I Don't Want Gifts

Is there anything more awkward than opening a slinky pink negligee in front of your friends, your mother's friends, and even your grandmothers' friends?  The answer is yes.  Open the pink negligee in front of all those wonderful women and have the present be from your future mother-in-law.

I have no problem speaking in public.  Dressing up in a fruit costume in front of students and parents is a breeze.  Leading a group of strangers in singing "The Arkansas Fight Song" comes quite naturally to me.  However, opening a present in front of people is as uncomfortable for me as drinking a Kryptonite smoothie is for Superman. 

Since when did opening gifts become a spectator sport?  Think about bridal showers, birthday parties,  and baby showers.  A crowd of people (the fans) watch one person (the star athlete) open gifts.  Just like any sporting event, the fans even prefer to eat while watching.  The fans wait to see what's in the box.  The fans secretly await the awkward moment when a duplicate crystal rose bowl is opened.  How will the "athlete" handle this?  Will her reactions be critiqued in the post-shower game by the professionals?  Don't forget the "star athlete" often has a coach or trainer sitting next to them, calling out the plays. 

It is NOT that I don't like the gifts.  I just don't like the pressure of having to like the gifts at the exact moment.  That still sounds rather ungrateful.  Maybe its just the crowd factor.  Any bride can understand this.  Open a box of yellow bath towels and you are somewhat limited on what you can say.  Of course you say "Thank you", but when you are sitting in front of the gift giver, its as though another comment is expected.  Since you registered for the yellow bath towels, "They're just what I wanted" seems silly.  "They are beautiful", is redundant since you wouldn't exactly register for hideous towels.  "I can't wait to use them" forces an unwanted visual. 

I'm rarely speechless, but I just couldn't find the right words when I opened that pink negligee.  "I can't wait to use it????"

To be honest- I never actually said I don't want gifts.  It just isn't the language I speak.  Our Sunday School class is discussing The 5 Love Languages.  Each couple completed an assessment which revealed how we prefer to be loved.  My score showed I prefer "Acts of Service" with "Receiving Gifts" as my least preferred.  Chris said the test had to be invalid.  At first, I did too.  In my mind, it was like I speak a language I can't understand.  I can speak "gifting", I just can't understand "gifting"???

I love to give gifts, and I want the gifts I give to be meaningful and heartfelt.  For me, watching someone open a gift is just as uncomfortable as opening it myself.  That's why I prefer to use either the "Hit and Run" or the "Drive By" approach to giving gifts.   I'd rather the recipient "find" the gift than watch them open it.  I'd actually prefer to remain anonymous when I give gifts.  I once worked with a person that was so good at gifting that it became a game.  She was the best and I wanted to be better.  Competetive gifting.  She spoke my language and we played by the same rules.  Gifts mysteriously appeared without cards.  The gifts were so unique and thoughtful, a card was unnecessary.  You don't need a card that reads "You Are My Friend" when you open a beautifully wrapped box to find a plastic french roll with sesame seeds. 

I realize in posting this, I run the risk of never receiving gifts again.  According to my Sunday School test, my Love Tank does not depend on gifts alone, so I should be fine.  I guess my Love Tank is  some kind of  eco-friendly, flex fuel, hybrid type.  I do hope that the next time you give a gift, you give the recipient some slack when it comes to their reaction.  Not everyone is a professional in competetive gifting.