This is My Brain on Samoas

I went into this year's "Girl Scout Cookie Time" with a plan.  I would not succumb to the dozens of obligatory orders from current and former students.  I limited our inventory by consolidating the order process.  The Masters family would only buy one box of cookies from the first Girl Scout to ask.  No other boxes would be purchased....anywhere....anytime....under any conditions.  This was the plan.

This is how the plan has failed:

#1  The first Girl Scout to ask was actually the scout's mother (whom I know well).  She lured me to a Mexican restaurant and bought rounds of margaritas before the order form appeared.  Ordering under the influence= four boxes of Samoas instead of one.

#2   The cookies arrived Friday.  On the day before, against all odds, I posted a substanial weight loss of 0.4 ounces in our Faculty Fit Club.  0.4 ounces is nothing to scoff at since my dramatic weight loss came after a week's worth of snow days.  I privately celebrated my accomplishment with an entire box of Samoas.  Technically, I let Abby and Henley have one.  Each.  They each had one.  I considered forcing them to share one cookie but knew it was wrong.  I'm a good mom.

#3   Chris fished all morning Saturday and left me home alone with boxes 2, 3, & 4.  I was a bad mom.  I told Henley she could not have Samoas for breakfast because it was not a healthy food choice.  So as I made french toast from scratch, I ate box 2.  Three things you should realize at this point.....I blame others for my lack of will power....I apparently believe french toast is a healthier breakfast than cookies.....and cookies make me stupid.

#4   I needed a new plan.  If I would hurry up and eat the rest of the cookies, they would no longer be a temptation.  Apparently, Samoas kill brain cells.  Box 3 disappeared in record time when I realized I could eat two at once.  I did share some of box 3.  While I was gone, Chris allowed Abby to have some.  When I returned and surveyed my remaining inventory, Abby quickly pointed out she ate some.  "Daddy let me have FOUR!!!"  After teaching her a quick lesson on proper portion control, I finished the rest of the box before I was forced to share with anyone else.

#5  Chris has been NO help.  He has not and will not eat any of the cookies.  He swears he has found a protein rich granola bar that tastes just like Samoas.  I've tried them.  When I say I've tried them, what I mean is I have tried to hide the Samoas behind the granola bars in the pantry.  Box 4 is currently surrounded by a fort of nutrition.  Nobody will look for them there.  Unfortunately, I'm the one the cookies need to be hidden from.

#6  Those damn cookies are for sale on every street corner.  My problem does not simply go away after I polish off box 4.  I have to avoid every grocery store in town for the next two weeks.  And these girls are trained to recognize cookie addicts.  They are dressed in cute little cookie costumes and use  such strong language in their advertising.  Help Support our Troop.  Send Us to Camp.  Buy Cookies Or We'll Cry.  They even earn a badge for their high pressure sales tactic.  Chris will have to do the grocery shopping for the next two weeks which means we will have plenty of high protein granola bars.

What message are we sending to these young girls?  Are Girl Scouts really selling these cookies or is this an elaborate plot by some terrorist organization?  Do I really need to gain five pounds so some girl I don't know can go to camp to learn about self control and self respect?  Nay nay, I say.  I never went to Girl Scout Camp and I have plenty of self control....